Cloud's carnival date with Aeris
by Cordis
Summary: Rated R for language, this is a stupid little sad attempt at humor. Flame all you like.


Disclaimer: All characters, places and things all belong to Squaresoft and other involved companies. I own none of ff7. This fanfic is purely for the fun and enjoyement of others and myself. I make no money from it. 

****

CLOUD'S CARNIVAL DATE WITH AERIS

Cloud smiled happily as he looked up into the glowing night sky from his seat on the ferris wheel. He had been spending the whole day at the carnival with Aeris on a long awaited date. Fireworks burst in the air and everything was almost majestic. 

Cloud wrapped his arm around Aeris shoulder. "This sure is a lovely night isn't it Aeris?"

"…."

"Aeris?"

"….zzzzZZZ"

"Uhh…" Cloud gently nudged her shoulder.

Suddenly Aeris gave out a loud snort then opened her eyes quickly. "Huh? … what? Oh yeah it sure is! Yup!"

Cloud narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Were you… asleep just now?"

Aeris gave cloud a shocked look. "What? No! Of course not! I was just… thinking! Yeah that's it! I was thinking!"

Once again Cloud gave her that suspicious look but turned his face away ignoring it all together. He turned his eyes back skyward. "I was just saying how wonderful the night is. Don't you think so?"

"…"

"Well don't you?" Cloud turned his head to face the green eyed flower girl only to see her with her head knocked back and her mouth wide opened snoring loudly. 

This brought a frown to Cloud's face. Not only was she falling asleep on him, but her god awful snoring was doing insane damage to his ear drums. 

"ZZZZZZ"

"Aeris wake up." Cloud said gently.

"…ZZZZ"

"Aeris…"

"ZZZZ…..ZZZZZ"

Suddenly a soda can smacked Cloud in the face. 

"Hey!" He said in anger. Then another can hit him, followed by a hotdog. "What the hell?"

Many loud voices eagerly responded. 

"Cut that snoring out ya dumb freak!" Yelled one man.

"I can't hear myself think with all that racket!" Yelled another.

"What are you doing? Killing a goat up there?" Hollered a third.

Suddenly hundreds of people were yelling at him, all on account of the sleeping flower girl. 

Cloud winked in embarrassment. "Errr maybe this isn't the best place to take her…"

**__**

:::AN HOUR LATER:::

Cloud was walking down the park with his arm around Aeris shoulder. His other arm was holding a bloody tissue up to his ears were Aeris loud snoring had caused internal bleeding. 

"I'm really sorry about what happened up there." Aeris said apologetically. "I didn't mean to…"

"There there." Cloud interrupted her. "It's ok Aeris. No harm done…" 

"At least nothing a quick hospital bill can't cover." He quickly threw in under his breath. "Anyway, I guess the ferris wheel ride just wasn't for us. So… what would you like to do next?"

Aeris raised her head in thought. "Hmmm…I guess I would really like to go to the bathroom."

"What?????" Cloud blinked his eyes in confusion. 

"Well yeah… Hey not to be rude or nothing but I really have to take a dump! Those chilly cheese fries were a big mistake! I can see that now!"

"What the hell???? Uhh… well… I guess that'll be ok…"

"Thanks!" Aeris replied brightly. "And here I thought I was embarrassing myself! Oh your so understanding Cloud!" With that she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek then rushed off towards the nearby restroom.

Cloud sighed heavily then sat on an adjoining bench. Minutes rolled by with nothing to do and he quickly found that he was growing bored. Cloud leaned his head back wondering what there next destination would be. Suddenly something quickly grabbed his attention as he rapidly threw his face back forward, covering his nose in disgust. 

"Holy fucking hell! What is that horrible stench?" Cloud looked around to see if anyone else picked it up. To his surprise, for the first time, he noticed all the dead birds and seagulls lying around the rest room area. 

"Oh god… don't tell me its…"

Suddenly an old man yelled out. "Damn what is that stench!" 

In no time at all the whole area broke out into commotion. A woman quickly barged out of the rest room staggering on her feet. 

"Can't breath… can't brea-" 

Without another word she fell limply to the ground. Cloud's eyes widened in shock. Then another man lurched over. "It must be poison gass!!" He gagged.

"Must be a sewage pipe break!" another person said, breathing heavily under his shirt. Suddenly the man keeled over to the ground. Another man rushed up to him. 

"John! John are you ok… are…*cough* …can't… Can't brea-" Then he too fell over lifelessly to the ground. 

Cloud would have been thuroully shocked if he too weren't falling victim to the horrible stench of overwhelming excrement filling through the air. 

Suddenly the sound of a toilet flushing sounded through the air and within no time the stench was considerably lessened, (which wasn't saying much) but enough so that people were able to breath enough to escape the area. 

Aeris promptly walked out of the restroom looking curiously at all the dead bodies of people and birds alike. 

She walked up to Cloud who was only just now recovering. 

"What happened here?" She asked curiously.

Cloud gave her a sidelong look then held his tongue before he could comment. "Nothing. Let's just…" He saw the evil glares form nearby people directed towards them, mainly her. "Let's just get the hell out of here!" He said at last. 

"Ok." Aeris replied simply, still not really understanding what was going on. 

**__**

:::ANOTHER HOUR LATER:::

"Hey Aeris do you want me to win you a bear?" Cloud asks in boredom. They had spent the entire time walking left and right as Aeris was continuously drawn by all the loose change she found on the ground. How she could fit a thousand pennies in the small purse she had was beyond comprehension.

"Ok" Aeris said, squeezing yet another penny in her bulging purse.

Cloud walked up to one of the booths with throwing darts. "Yeah how much is it for a game to win that teddy bear?" Cloud asked the clerk. 

The man was skinny and bony and had sunken-in eyes. His teeth were far apart and all his lower teeth were laced in gold. "That will be $20 bucks."

"What?" Cloud turned to walk away. "That's crazy! We're outta here!"

"Aww too bad!" the man said boastfully. "Just when I was giving away these nice pretty flowers too!"

"FLOWERS!!!!" Aeris immediately perked up. "Oh Cloud come on! Please can we play! I really would like some flowers!"

"But Aeris… $20 bucks???" 

"So what? You've got a job don't you?"

"Aeris that's not the point…"

"I WANT FLOWERS!!!!"

"Aeris… I'll buy you some later…" Cloud said in a supressed voice, trying not to cause a scene.

"I WANT ONE NOW!" Aeris yelled at the top of her lungs heedless of the growing crowd of onlookers.

"Aeris…"

"NO! I WANT FLOWERS! IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME FLOWERS THEN I WILL DUMP YOU! AND THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO WALK BACK!"

"But that's my car. I drove us here!"

"SO WHAT! YOU GAVE IT TO ME!"

"No I didn't!"

"OH SO NOW ITS LIKE THAT HUH?"

Growing more and more weary of the crowd of onlookers, Cloud finally sighed and gave in. "Ok Ok fine. I'll play the damn game and buy you your fucking flowers! Just shut the hell up already!"

"Yay!" Aeris cried in glee. 

Cloud glared evilly at the man as he shoved the $20 bucks in his hand. The man simply laughed and pocketed the money. He then gave Cloud three toothpicks. 

"What the hell are these?" Cloud asked angrily at the man.

"Those are your darts." 

"What? What the fuck?"

"Hey either you take them or you leave! I don't have to put up with you you know!"

"Fine then! Just give me my money back and I'll-"

"I WANT MY FLOWERS!!!"

"….. Fine… I'll play your damn game."

The man laughed again and backed up. 

Cloud took one of the toothpicks in his hand then immediately dropped it in disgust. 

"What the hell??? What's on that thing?" 

The man raised an eye brow. "What? So I used it a few times, how cares! A toothpick is a toothpick. Now are you going to play or do I have to ask you to leave?"

Cloud sighed heavily and picked up the toothpick barely with two outstretched fingers. He did his best to avoid the slime on both ends of the pick mixed in with vacant pieces of carrot and other forms of indescribable food. He arched his arm back and thew the toothpick. It landed only a few inches away, not picking up any distance at all. 

"Aww too bad." The man said.

"It's your fault!" Cloud yelled back. "How the hell am I supposed to hit anything with these shits?"

"That's your problem not mine." The man said with an amused glint in his eyes. "Besides, the lady seems to think you can do it."

Cloud turned to see a dreamy eyed Aeris. "Cloud can do anything!" She said in awe. 

Angrily, Cloud picked up the other two toothpicks, albeit very carefully, weary to avoid touching any food. He launched both picks as fast and hard as he could. One jammed onto the wall and shattered while the other hit its mark and bounced right off of the balloon.

"Ohh too bad." The man said. "Looks like your luck failed."

"Those toothpicks weren't sharp enough!" Cloud retorted. "I hit that balloon fair and Square!" 

"Too bad!" The man said arrogantly. "You lost, its your problem not mine! Now you can play another game. That'll be $20 more bucks. Plus tax."

"Plus tax????"

"Shop rules. First game is tax free, and all other games include tax."

This enraged Cloud, shattering the last nerve of calm that he had set over himself.

"GIVE ME THE DAMN FLOWERS RIGHT NOW OR I WILL TAKE OUT MY BUSTER SWORD AND SHOVE THAT SON OF A BITCH SO FAR UP YOUR ASS YOU'LL BE SHITTING RUST FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!"

The man was shocked senseless from the threat. 

"NOW!!!!" Cloud yelled angrily. He pulled his hand back, fingering his buster sword.

The man hesitantly gulped then quickly complied to his demands. He pulled the flowers from the wrack. "Hey… easy easy… it's all good. No need for things to get hostile right?"

Cloud glared at the man and snatched the flowers away. Aeris simply looked dreamily at Cloud. "Oh your sooooo wonderful Cloud." 

"Shut up and take your stupid flowers!" He grumbled in anger. Aeris took them gently and gave Cloud her innocent sad look. 

"I'm sorry…" She said, huge tears rolling down her cheeks. Cloud immediately regretted his actions. 

"No don't apologize Aeris… I shouldn't have yelled at you. I'm the one who is sorry."

__

'Sorry I ever took you on this date.' He said to himself mentally. 

"Really?" Aeris asked, wiping the tears from her eyes. 

"Oh I've never been more serious in my life!" Cloud answered. 

"Oh Cloud I'm so happy!" Aeris hugged him tightly. After a while the two broke away and Once more Cloud was at ease with himself. 

Once again he looked up at the sky. "Sure is nice with all the fireworks huh?" He asked.

"…"

"Aeris?"

"….."

"Aww hell not again! Aeris!!!"

*…Sniiiiiffffff*

Cloud's eyes widened in shock and he turned his face to see Aeris sniffing her flowers. 

"Aeris what are you doing?"

*Sniiiiiiiffffffff*

"Aeris?"

"Damn this is all wrong!" The flowergirl suddenly protested in anger.

"Uhh Aeris what are you talking about?"

Suddenly she quickly ripped off Clouds sleeve and rolled it up tightly around her flowers.

"What the hell are you doing?" Cloud asked in alarm. 

She quickly pulled out a lighter and lit the sleeve along with the flowers then took a long dragg. 

*puff puff * "Ahh now that's the stuff!"

Cloud looked horrified at her. "OK that's it! I'm leaving! You damn weed smoker!"

"Oh you didn't know?" She asked innocently. 

Cloud didn't respond. He simply turned on his heels and walked away. This day would never leave his memories for a long time to come. 

****

THE END

**__**

Authors note: Ok I know this sucked. Badly. Sorry, I got bored so I decided to make this parody of FF7. Well let me know what you thought? Probably a lot of flames but oh well. Thanks for reading anyway. ^_^

-cordis


End file.
